As I stated already, symmetry is all around us. It is part of the natural world – and isn’t it all very interesting?
But what, you may well ask, has it to do with protection of children?
A very practical aspect of the application of symmetry in family support work and/or child protection would be a sense of appreciation that someone in distress (including, or indeed in particular a child) might have that a support worker is mirroring some element of their struggle to find a solution – a bit like the effect of listening to the sad song that I mentioned above – or the parent in the example I gave of the child with the cut knee.
We discussed attachment at length already. I believe that if I am a child, and I am in distress and I feel cared for, and I feel that the person helping me acknowledges that I have something to contribute to my own healing and well-being, the attachment to my care-giver leans towards the secure.
We learn from a young age to intuit what another feels, and feeling cared for unconditionally will speed up the process of healing and enhance its quality. The symmetry is in the relationship.
Looking at it from that perspective, generally speaking, I don’t really see a lot of symmetry in child protection practice in Ireland. That is, I don’t perceive the Pillars reaching out to families in distress and inviting them to be involved – in a genuine way – in their own healing. (My observations on how much the Pillars care are in this post).
In fact I have often wondered at the vast amounts of energy wasted because of the asymmetry – manifest in one way knowledge flow – that abounds, and is built into the paradigm of helping. (Not to mention the cost).
With a symmetric response, a wide array of highly complex messages can be conveyed – very powerfully – with a small number of words, or even with no words. The reason for this; is, of course, unlike Data in Star-Trek [1], we have an ability to both describe and interpret emotional signals so not everything is literal. (We also know this from studies that have proven the existence of mirror neurons – examples of symmetry in our non-verbal communication).
Just to recap, an asymmetric response in a healing process would be to take the position of expert and dispense knowledge, advice, or maybe medication, in a detached professional manner with little or no empathy for what the other’s needs are.
Now there is an undeniable asymmetry between children who need help or support, and many practitioners who help them. For example, it may exist between teachers and children, doctors/nurses and children who are patients, therapists and children, even youth club leaders and those in the club etc. etc.
Of course, giving advice or coming up with a solution for someone, or giving medication, is appropriate if that is what is asked for directly or needed at that time. Or, indeed, in the case of a child, if he needs a particular boundary to be imposed. This is the one-way knowledge flow that we described already.
So it is important to remember that it is in the relationship that symmetry exists, not really in who knows what or what is done or what is to be done. (This will be evident once again in the post on energy transfer following).
For example a nurse or doctor may give very direct advice, but still have what we call a good bedside manner that ensures that there is an element of symmetry in the relationship. The same goes for a teacher. Of course, from time to time symmetry is not possible – and it is appropriate that the person in the position of helper takes over completely; (for example in an emergency – or in a disciplinary situation).
This dip into asymmetry should, however, be the exception rather than the norm.
[1]. Data (pronounced Day-Ta) was a very clever android in Star Trek, a Science Fiction TV Series. He had a very highly developed brain, in respect of cognition, and took everything literally; but could not intuit what people were saying or feeling. This gave rise to many funny little sketches where people misunderstood each other on the spaceship during their various voyages!