Healthy narcissism can be described as having a good, positive opinion of oneself, in whatever trait one wishes to display to the world.
For example if I am a singer, and I’m good, and I know I’m good, I can promote myself, let other people see how good I am, impress others with my excellence and show off a bit, and (hopefully) even make a living from it.
Healthy narcissism is usually associated with people in the public eye, such as comedians, sportspeople, singers, writers, artists, actors, or perhaps politicians or leaders – but of course we don’t have to be artists or celebrities to have healthy narcissism – it can be in anyone in any area of life, really.
The hallmark of healthy narcissism is that while I am aware of, and proud of my own expertise, achievements etc. I also have good will and feel positively about others’ achievements – even though they may be rivals! I may envy them but I am not jealous or mean-spirited. In fact, I am aware enough to know that I can learn a lot from others and am generous in offering help if they want to learn from me, i.e. embracing two way knowledge flow.
We all like approval from our fellow humans, and if we have healthy narcissism we are proportional in seeking approval – i.e. we don’t betray our own values and please people just for their approval.
Healthy narcissism helps us to have a sense of power and feel-good in our chosen activity or profession, and keeps our morale, self-esteem and confidence high when (from time to time) things go against us – as they inevitably will. An important element is knowledge of our limitations, and, when we need help with something, to be able to ask for it respectfully.
In relationships (whether the relationship is within a family, long-life partners/spouses, employee/work, or a social setting), people who have healthy narcissism know themselves well, are aware that their values are theirs, and are confident in expressing their opinions on their values. They are also open to change on hearing new information and don’t see themselves as failures if their argument doesn’t prevail.
I described the human need to be a care-giver as well as a care-seeker already. Healthy narcissism ensures that there is a good balance of this in the self, and the knowledge, awareness of this balance, and appropriateness of responses assists in sustaining long term, democratic relationships.
The word aggression can sometimes have negative connotations – but without aggression we wouldn’t survive.
When we are mature adults, I believe that healthy narcissism enables us aggress our environment respectfully. That is, to seek out what we want and need with energy and commitment using our innate talents to their optimum. We know when we are in a state of healthy aggression when we are a little nervous but still excited. For example that feeling we have prior to doing an exam, playing a match, going for an interview, doing the driving test, or some other significant trial of our abilities and skills – but with an inner belief or confidence that we will prevail, and if we don’t – it won’t be the end of the world.
So, on balance, healthy narcissism is good for us!